Post by tommy on Dec 29, 2020 20:47:42 GMT -5
The backdrop looks to be a training field of some sorts. Ropes, walls, muddy trenches are seen with what looks like barracks are seen in the background as someone walks into frame. American Tommy is seen dressed in full soldier attire, from the boots to his cap and an unnecessary fake plastic rifle strapped to his right shoulder, but he will just claim fashion and it’s just best to not argue with him. He’s got a gun after all, folks.
Anyways...
He’s not his usual chipper self, could be the fact that his girlfriend is fucking with him by alluding to the fact that she is pregnant when she is just FAT. It could be the fact that he’s currently living in an RV that sits in BW and Marquis’ driveway because of said girlfriend. It does have running water and electricity, but only because he’s stealing it from the neighbors next door because BW is too cheap to let him hook up at his house! It could be the fact that Perry Wallace is still six feet above ground.
But no.
It’s simply the fact that he won his last match and is one step closer, in his mind, to getting drafted into war because of it. He puts his head in his hands and launches them towards the sky.
“Why me? What did I do to get put into this position just by winning a match. I didn’t even try to win, but goddamn it I did and now I’m one step closer to getting drafted into the fucking war! Who am I kidding? I’m better than all these folks and everybody already knows it. I’m going to be drafted after Coup de Grace IV. I’m winning the War Horse Championship!”
A loud, angry voice is heard in the background and Tommy turns around and it’s a drill sergeant.
“What in the fuck do you think you are doing? Enough chirping and get working! We need to get you prepared for war, you twink looking piece of shit.”
“Who are you calling a twink? I just got done putting my Excalibur into Camelot before I got here.”
“Is Camelot the name of your RV?”
“Fuck you! It’s my gir...”
“Get climbing you bitch!”
The drill sergeant points to the ropes and Tommy rolls his eyes and saunters over to the ropes as slow as he’d walk to the table to eat a helping of Ronni’s cooking and begrudgingly grabs the ropes and tries to pull himself up as quickly as the world class wrestler could.
...10 minutes later of nothing, but grunts, grumbles, huffs, puffs and maybe a few cries that he would never admit, Tommy is able to pull himself up the rope and onto the top of the wall.
“You aren’t going to beat Blue Barrera with a performance like that.”
Tommy looks down with a weird look on his face.
“Who?”
“The name nobody knows that is also in your match.”
“Oh, the homophobe?”
The sergeant nods his head and Tommy smiles.
“Well, if I was trying to win this match, I would say that dumb bitch should just thank herself for even getting a platform on the same stage as me. That she has done absolutely nothing but try and rip off Devlin’s gimmick, but not good at anything more than boring the fuck out of people and hating on gays. That regardless how much verbal diarrhea that smelly fish unleashes from her mouth that she has absolutely no chance at winning. That I’m already wasting too much time on her.
Tommy pauses and thinks for a bit.
“Are we sure that she wasn’t in a bad accident or something when she was younger to be that fucking stupid?”
Tommy looks down at the drill sergeant.
“Is Union not only trying to get me drafted, but trying to take the crowd from my side by making me wrestle a mental?”
The drill sergeant begins to smile, but catches himself and just stares at Tommy.
“If I was trying to win this match I would know exactly what I would do to throw her off her game and that’s repeatedly ask her if she knows what one plus one is, because we know it’s going to knot up her mind like her tongue knotted up when she accidentally let everybody know that she is HOMOPHOBIC!”
“Get the fuck off that wall, Tommy.”
Tommy slowly climbs down from the wall and jumps down the last two feet. His hat gets a bit crooked and he adjusts it so it’s perfectly in front and then runs over to the muddy trench with barbed wire over the top of it.
“If you think I’m getting this getup muddy you are crazy!”
“Well, I guess you're gonna die then!”
The drill sergeant pulls out his gun and starts shooting over the top of his head as Tommy drops to the ground and slowly starts climbing through the muddy trench.
...10 minutes later of nothing, but grunts, grumbles, huffs, puffs and maybe a few cries that he would never admit, Tommy is able to pull himself through the mud and stand up on the other side.
“You aren’t gonna beat Viduus with a performance like that!”
Tommy looks at the sergeant weird again.
“Viduus is in the match?”
“Yeah”
“If I was trying to win this match, I’d ask, is he going to give everybody a history lesson? If we really need to hear about some obscure facts about Baja California, Mexico? I’d offer up a suggestion and have him tell me if he lubed himself up with his own tears after his entire world fell apart in one night and he fucked off never to be seen again until a few weeks ago. Or did he use Nemesis’s?”
The sergeant shakes his head, but Tommy continues.
“You want to know how I felt when I found out that Viduus was going to be in this match? It felt like as if you got invited to your first concert post pandemic and you are able to be in crowds again and that concert turns out to be fucking Nickelback. Imagine, coming off beating Drell and already hating life because you are a victory away from being drafted and then Viduus is the one that gets pinned and becomes the one that gets you to hang up your boots and make you kiss your misses goodbye at the bus stop. Saving a country just so Viduus can continue to be a shit wrestler!”
He shudders at the horrible thought.
“I don’t really know what to think of this. He’s opportunistic, but even with the fact that I want to lose, I just don’t think he can get it done. He could save me from possibly dying for my country but the inept fuck wouldn’t know a gift horse if it kicked him in the face. I’m pretty sure his family tree is a fucking wreath. Four score and seven years ago...”
“Shut the fuck up and get over to the shooting range.”
Tommy begrudgingly walks over to the shooting range and instead of picking up the rifle that they have left in front of him he unbuttons the fake one on his shoulder and starts to pump it up and aim at the targets.
… ten seconds later after going through them all he salutes the targets and buttons the strap of the fake rifle back over his shoulder.
“You aren’t gonna beat Bryan Williams with a performance like that!”
Tommy shrugs his shoulders and smiles.
“Werther's Originals Caramel Hard Candies’ best customer is in the match?”
The sergeant shakes his head again and Tommy continues.
“You know, if I was trying to win this match, I would backtrack on calling Viduus the most opportunistic person in wrestling and I would throw that label on BW, but everybody knows it’s the same song and dance he’s had the last few years. Full stop. I’d let him know that he can wish that he was offered the same opportunities to choose his timing as Miles was, but what would that help him? Because BW chooses his spots all the fucking time. Enter tournaments or things that he has a chance to get a title or a chance at one and then skedaddles away when he flubs it up.”
Tommy pretends to slip on a banana peel and falls to the ground. He laughs and playfully swats the air and continues.
“I would also compare Bryan Williams to a car crash waiting to happen and a pile of poop, but that would be in an insult to car crashes and piles of poops! Just kidding. Could you tell I was kidding by my use of the word poop instead of SHIT!?”
The sergeant shakes his head in disagreement and Tommy makes a fart sound and continues.
“But honestly, I left some leftover pizza in his fridge the other night and I think the fucker ate it so what kind of person do you think he really is?”
Tommy looks more angry after that statement than he’s looked all promo. Watch out!
“I’d also tell him that I saw his video and I saw him put that handgun up to the bottom of his chin and then didn’t do it and I was happy that he didn’t. I would tell him it gives me the opportunity to pull the proverbial trigger and end his life after Coup de Grace IV if he’s the one I pin and solidify myself in becoming America’s next war hero.”
He pats the fake gun on his shoulder and winks. He looks over at the drill sergeant.
“So, how’d I do?”
The drill sergeant laughs and shakes his head.
“You better hope one of them beats you and becomes War Horse Champion, because if you get drafted you gonna die, buds.”
Tommy looks down to the ground and shakes his head and then back up.
“Fuck you, Viduus! Fuck you, Blue Barrera!”
He scratches his head a bit.
“Please let Ronni still live in the RV in the driveway when I’m off to war, BW.”
Tommy unstraps his plastic gun and throws it down to the ground and stomps away and waving his hands in the air.
“Why do I have to have the best hip toss in the world?! It’s a fucking curse! It…”
He’s too far away to hear anything else. Thank God. Goodbye.
Anyways...
He’s not his usual chipper self, could be the fact that his girlfriend is fucking with him by alluding to the fact that she is pregnant when she is just FAT. It could be the fact that he’s currently living in an RV that sits in BW and Marquis’ driveway because of said girlfriend. It does have running water and electricity, but only because he’s stealing it from the neighbors next door because BW is too cheap to let him hook up at his house! It could be the fact that Perry Wallace is still six feet above ground.
But no.
It’s simply the fact that he won his last match and is one step closer, in his mind, to getting drafted into war because of it. He puts his head in his hands and launches them towards the sky.
“Why me? What did I do to get put into this position just by winning a match. I didn’t even try to win, but goddamn it I did and now I’m one step closer to getting drafted into the fucking war! Who am I kidding? I’m better than all these folks and everybody already knows it. I’m going to be drafted after Coup de Grace IV. I’m winning the War Horse Championship!”
A loud, angry voice is heard in the background and Tommy turns around and it’s a drill sergeant.
“What in the fuck do you think you are doing? Enough chirping and get working! We need to get you prepared for war, you twink looking piece of shit.”
“Who are you calling a twink? I just got done putting my Excalibur into Camelot before I got here.”
“Is Camelot the name of your RV?”
“Fuck you! It’s my gir...”
“Get climbing you bitch!”
The drill sergeant points to the ropes and Tommy rolls his eyes and saunters over to the ropes as slow as he’d walk to the table to eat a helping of Ronni’s cooking and begrudgingly grabs the ropes and tries to pull himself up as quickly as the world class wrestler could.
...10 minutes later of nothing, but grunts, grumbles, huffs, puffs and maybe a few cries that he would never admit, Tommy is able to pull himself up the rope and onto the top of the wall.
“You aren’t going to beat Blue Barrera with a performance like that.”
Tommy looks down with a weird look on his face.
“Who?”
“The name nobody knows that is also in your match.”
“Oh, the homophobe?”
The sergeant nods his head and Tommy smiles.
“Well, if I was trying to win this match, I would say that dumb bitch should just thank herself for even getting a platform on the same stage as me. That she has done absolutely nothing but try and rip off Devlin’s gimmick, but not good at anything more than boring the fuck out of people and hating on gays. That regardless how much verbal diarrhea that smelly fish unleashes from her mouth that she has absolutely no chance at winning. That I’m already wasting too much time on her.
Tommy pauses and thinks for a bit.
“Are we sure that she wasn’t in a bad accident or something when she was younger to be that fucking stupid?”
Tommy looks down at the drill sergeant.
“Is Union not only trying to get me drafted, but trying to take the crowd from my side by making me wrestle a mental?”
The drill sergeant begins to smile, but catches himself and just stares at Tommy.
“If I was trying to win this match I would know exactly what I would do to throw her off her game and that’s repeatedly ask her if she knows what one plus one is, because we know it’s going to knot up her mind like her tongue knotted up when she accidentally let everybody know that she is HOMOPHOBIC!”
“Get the fuck off that wall, Tommy.”
Tommy slowly climbs down from the wall and jumps down the last two feet. His hat gets a bit crooked and he adjusts it so it’s perfectly in front and then runs over to the muddy trench with barbed wire over the top of it.
“If you think I’m getting this getup muddy you are crazy!”
“Well, I guess you're gonna die then!”
The drill sergeant pulls out his gun and starts shooting over the top of his head as Tommy drops to the ground and slowly starts climbing through the muddy trench.
...10 minutes later of nothing, but grunts, grumbles, huffs, puffs and maybe a few cries that he would never admit, Tommy is able to pull himself through the mud and stand up on the other side.
“You aren’t gonna beat Viduus with a performance like that!”
Tommy looks at the sergeant weird again.
“Viduus is in the match?”
“Yeah”
“If I was trying to win this match, I’d ask, is he going to give everybody a history lesson? If we really need to hear about some obscure facts about Baja California, Mexico? I’d offer up a suggestion and have him tell me if he lubed himself up with his own tears after his entire world fell apart in one night and he fucked off never to be seen again until a few weeks ago. Or did he use Nemesis’s?”
The sergeant shakes his head, but Tommy continues.
“You want to know how I felt when I found out that Viduus was going to be in this match? It felt like as if you got invited to your first concert post pandemic and you are able to be in crowds again and that concert turns out to be fucking Nickelback. Imagine, coming off beating Drell and already hating life because you are a victory away from being drafted and then Viduus is the one that gets pinned and becomes the one that gets you to hang up your boots and make you kiss your misses goodbye at the bus stop. Saving a country just so Viduus can continue to be a shit wrestler!”
He shudders at the horrible thought.
“I don’t really know what to think of this. He’s opportunistic, but even with the fact that I want to lose, I just don’t think he can get it done. He could save me from possibly dying for my country but the inept fuck wouldn’t know a gift horse if it kicked him in the face. I’m pretty sure his family tree is a fucking wreath. Four score and seven years ago...”
“Shut the fuck up and get over to the shooting range.”
Tommy begrudgingly walks over to the shooting range and instead of picking up the rifle that they have left in front of him he unbuttons the fake one on his shoulder and starts to pump it up and aim at the targets.
… ten seconds later after going through them all he salutes the targets and buttons the strap of the fake rifle back over his shoulder.
“You aren’t gonna beat Bryan Williams with a performance like that!”
Tommy shrugs his shoulders and smiles.
“Werther's Originals Caramel Hard Candies’ best customer is in the match?”
The sergeant shakes his head again and Tommy continues.
“You know, if I was trying to win this match, I would backtrack on calling Viduus the most opportunistic person in wrestling and I would throw that label on BW, but everybody knows it’s the same song and dance he’s had the last few years. Full stop. I’d let him know that he can wish that he was offered the same opportunities to choose his timing as Miles was, but what would that help him? Because BW chooses his spots all the fucking time. Enter tournaments or things that he has a chance to get a title or a chance at one and then skedaddles away when he flubs it up.”
Tommy pretends to slip on a banana peel and falls to the ground. He laughs and playfully swats the air and continues.
“I would also compare Bryan Williams to a car crash waiting to happen and a pile of poop, but that would be in an insult to car crashes and piles of poops! Just kidding. Could you tell I was kidding by my use of the word poop instead of SHIT!?”
The sergeant shakes his head in disagreement and Tommy makes a fart sound and continues.
“But honestly, I left some leftover pizza in his fridge the other night and I think the fucker ate it so what kind of person do you think he really is?”
Tommy looks more angry after that statement than he’s looked all promo. Watch out!
“I’d also tell him that I saw his video and I saw him put that handgun up to the bottom of his chin and then didn’t do it and I was happy that he didn’t. I would tell him it gives me the opportunity to pull the proverbial trigger and end his life after Coup de Grace IV if he’s the one I pin and solidify myself in becoming America’s next war hero.”
He pats the fake gun on his shoulder and winks. He looks over at the drill sergeant.
“So, how’d I do?”
The drill sergeant laughs and shakes his head.
“You better hope one of them beats you and becomes War Horse Champion, because if you get drafted you gonna die, buds.”
Tommy looks down to the ground and shakes his head and then back up.
“Fuck you, Viduus! Fuck you, Blue Barrera!”
He scratches his head a bit.
“Please let Ronni still live in the RV in the driveway when I’m off to war, BW.”
Tommy unstraps his plastic gun and throws it down to the ground and stomps away and waving his hands in the air.
“Why do I have to have the best hip toss in the world?! It’s a fucking curse! It…”
He’s too far away to hear anything else. Thank God. Goodbye.