Post by Moxie James on Dec 30, 2020 23:47:43 GMT -5
Maybe it had been a mistake, Moxie thought, to sleep with her ex-boyfriend Zion Momo’a while she’d been in Los Angeles over Thanksgiving.
Worse still that she would probably fuck him again when she went back for Christmas.
She rolled her eyes at herself in the mirror, leaning in to check that her bright pink lipstick hadn’t ended up on her teeth. Physically, she was in the best shape she’d ever been in. All that rage and pain and every messy emotion she felt… Brytain had had her focusing it into training instead of something darker and more self-destructive. At least twice a month Brytain herself was flying in to Japan to oversee her training personally. Brytain Rollins was her mentor, she guessed… although she often didn’t feel worthy of the older woman’s attention. She didn’t have much to show for the last year of her life besides a stalled out promising rookie showing in 4CW.
Money and the desperate need for it had pulled her off track but now…
She trusted Tris Baylor to get her out this shit she’d gotten herself into with the cartel. She didn’t regret anything… she’d gotten her brother out of a bad situation with that money. But she’d also traded Zion and her happiness for that money.
All those dark thoughts vanished, though, when she stepped through the tiny black door that led her into the decadent chandelier dripping lavishness of Oath.
She slid through the room and up to the bar where the young woman behind the bar recognized her with a sly smile. Michi swung her purple and black hair away from her face as she busied herself building Moxie’s favorite cocktail.
Moxie felt her cheeks flush as she remembered one of those first nights tucked in one of Oath’s high backed loveseats. Michi had fed her every shot from her own lips and asked “What about pink peppercorns and smoke? Do you like that?” as she worked to build Moxie’s perfect cocktail.
She’d felt a little guilty the first time she’d woken up in Michi’s bed but… then Twitter reminded her once again of how thoroughly Zion had moved on.
And then, finally, at some point… she realized that she finally understood what he’d said to her when he’d broken her heart. What Brytain had said to her as she’d run her ragged inside of the ring on that first day in Japan. What Mile’s Lucky had said to her right before the match he’d handed her a loss in. She’d lost her way.
Where they had it wrong, though, was why.
They all thought she’d lost herself in Zion but she’d lost herself in the fear… the double life she’d been leading. The weight of federal prison hanging over her head. Divorced from having to clean up her own mess now, thanks to Tris, she’d managed to grow and live instead of simply survive.
Zion had been right when he’d said she needed to focus on herself and the flailing career that had bothered her more than she’d realized. She’d fulfilled her duty to Royal. She’d saved him, she’d given him his life and she’d made sure that he wouldn’t want for anything. She didn’t have to martyr herself for him anymore at the altar of her childhood obligations anymore.
Free of all of that, she’d had nothing to do but heal her broken heart and throw herself into training.
There was a time for figuring things out with Zion… but right now was maybe a time for figuring out Moxie first. Who she was now that she’d been stripped down to the bare bones.
No one on her side but herself.
At first, it had been painful to be alone. To feel alone.
But now it felt like freedom.
xxx
“They’re going to say that I was a false start.”
Moxie James stared at the camera she’d propped up on the bar. Just out of her line of sight Michi and the rest of Oath’s girls were clustered with flushed cheeks and barely restrained laughter.
Moxie herself… was a little tipsy but she was almost positive that she didn’t read that way on camera, at least. But they’d been so adamant that she filmed in front of them… they all didn’t believe that she could be remotely intimidating and she was almost positive that she was going to prove them right.
“Look at my little wrassler,” Michi teased, faking an over the top American accent on the last word and raising her glass from behind the camera.
“They’re going to say that I came in and I was this bright shining star. This could have been something. And yeah, they’re probably not wrong. I kept letting shit get in the way of the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do.”
She shrugged her shoulders and the fringe on her silk jacket caught the light as she swung her box braids behind her back. She smiled, lips curling back over teeth in something that looks a little like a snarl for a second before it turns back into a gentle curve of the lips. “If you think you know me, you don’t know me. Let me re-introduce myself. I am the sum of all of my mistakes. I am better than I have ever been but not as good as I will be. I am getting out of my own way. I am remembering why I love this sport. I am Moxie motherfucking James and I am my 7 year old self’s wildest dream.”
Moxie didn’t break eye contact with the camera but out of the corner of her eye she could see the small crowd of girls who were closing down the bar as they hyped her up. She felt a rare thrill as she looked back into the camera.
“I am a reinvention of an ever changing thing. I am at my best. Not that I’m doubting Nyx, but I have something to prove. I’m going to prove it starting there.”
Worse still that she would probably fuck him again when she went back for Christmas.
She rolled her eyes at herself in the mirror, leaning in to check that her bright pink lipstick hadn’t ended up on her teeth. Physically, she was in the best shape she’d ever been in. All that rage and pain and every messy emotion she felt… Brytain had had her focusing it into training instead of something darker and more self-destructive. At least twice a month Brytain herself was flying in to Japan to oversee her training personally. Brytain Rollins was her mentor, she guessed… although she often didn’t feel worthy of the older woman’s attention. She didn’t have much to show for the last year of her life besides a stalled out promising rookie showing in 4CW.
Money and the desperate need for it had pulled her off track but now…
She trusted Tris Baylor to get her out this shit she’d gotten herself into with the cartel. She didn’t regret anything… she’d gotten her brother out of a bad situation with that money. But she’d also traded Zion and her happiness for that money.
All those dark thoughts vanished, though, when she stepped through the tiny black door that led her into the decadent chandelier dripping lavishness of Oath.
She slid through the room and up to the bar where the young woman behind the bar recognized her with a sly smile. Michi swung her purple and black hair away from her face as she busied herself building Moxie’s favorite cocktail.
Moxie felt her cheeks flush as she remembered one of those first nights tucked in one of Oath’s high backed loveseats. Michi had fed her every shot from her own lips and asked “What about pink peppercorns and smoke? Do you like that?” as she worked to build Moxie’s perfect cocktail.
She’d felt a little guilty the first time she’d woken up in Michi’s bed but… then Twitter reminded her once again of how thoroughly Zion had moved on.
And then, finally, at some point… she realized that she finally understood what he’d said to her when he’d broken her heart. What Brytain had said to her as she’d run her ragged inside of the ring on that first day in Japan. What Mile’s Lucky had said to her right before the match he’d handed her a loss in. She’d lost her way.
Where they had it wrong, though, was why.
They all thought she’d lost herself in Zion but she’d lost herself in the fear… the double life she’d been leading. The weight of federal prison hanging over her head. Divorced from having to clean up her own mess now, thanks to Tris, she’d managed to grow and live instead of simply survive.
Zion had been right when he’d said she needed to focus on herself and the flailing career that had bothered her more than she’d realized. She’d fulfilled her duty to Royal. She’d saved him, she’d given him his life and she’d made sure that he wouldn’t want for anything. She didn’t have to martyr herself for him anymore at the altar of her childhood obligations anymore.
Free of all of that, she’d had nothing to do but heal her broken heart and throw herself into training.
There was a time for figuring things out with Zion… but right now was maybe a time for figuring out Moxie first. Who she was now that she’d been stripped down to the bare bones.
No one on her side but herself.
At first, it had been painful to be alone. To feel alone.
But now it felt like freedom.
xxx
“They’re going to say that I was a false start.”
Moxie James stared at the camera she’d propped up on the bar. Just out of her line of sight Michi and the rest of Oath’s girls were clustered with flushed cheeks and barely restrained laughter.
Moxie herself… was a little tipsy but she was almost positive that she didn’t read that way on camera, at least. But they’d been so adamant that she filmed in front of them… they all didn’t believe that she could be remotely intimidating and she was almost positive that she was going to prove them right.
“Look at my little wrassler,” Michi teased, faking an over the top American accent on the last word and raising her glass from behind the camera.
“They’re going to say that I came in and I was this bright shining star. This could have been something. And yeah, they’re probably not wrong. I kept letting shit get in the way of the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do.”
She shrugged her shoulders and the fringe on her silk jacket caught the light as she swung her box braids behind her back. She smiled, lips curling back over teeth in something that looks a little like a snarl for a second before it turns back into a gentle curve of the lips. “If you think you know me, you don’t know me. Let me re-introduce myself. I am the sum of all of my mistakes. I am better than I have ever been but not as good as I will be. I am getting out of my own way. I am remembering why I love this sport. I am Moxie motherfucking James and I am my 7 year old self’s wildest dream.”
Moxie didn’t break eye contact with the camera but out of the corner of her eye she could see the small crowd of girls who were closing down the bar as they hyped her up. She felt a rare thrill as she looked back into the camera.
“I am a reinvention of an ever changing thing. I am at my best. Not that I’m doubting Nyx, but I have something to prove. I’m going to prove it starting there.”