Post by DJS on Apr 22, 2017 22:43:05 GMT -5
"I don't believe the bloody lengths I'm having to go to in order to keep the XWA name in check. Having said that, it's not like anyone else was gonna do it, right?"
We fade in on a black curtain. A North-Western English voice rings through as a large-framed figure walks into shot. Some perhaps recognise him. Some some perhaps don't. In his black leather jacket, he looks into our souls with his dead, snake-like eyes. He runs his hand through his greasy, brown hair. He smiles with his horrible, yellow-tooth-filled grin. He sniffs up, taking a few seconds to vainly allow us to just soak in the mere fact he exists until he coughs and claps his hands together.
DIAMOND JACK SABBATH:
"Right. Hi. I'm Diamond Jack Sabbath. You may have heard of me. You may know what I'm capable of. In which case, you may know me as that guy who comes out and kicks people's heads in with the Crown Kick, a move that no one in the XWA has kicked out of in several years, because they can't because I do it bloody fucking hard. I've got that roundhouse kick down to a fine art. No one can through them like I can. You may know me as the Innovator of Anarchy, the Crown Jewel of Professional Wrestling, the Beating Heart of the XWA. There's a bit of hype around me and if I were not me, which I don't recommend because that just sounds shit, I'd believe it. Why not? It's true. I actually am pretty damn good. I'm everything your favourite wrestler thinks they are. People say I'm volatile, but you should never really listen to people. They have opinions. That's annoying.
So...the big question- why'd I come here? Well, like I said, I'm the Beating Heart of the XWA. That place has the name 'The House That Jack Built' for a reason. This place's whole thing is "rep where you step" and quite honestly, the one the company sent to represent us is absolutely not up to scratch. The mere fact that this place exists and has XWA representation that isn't me knocks me sick. I'm the guy you send for that! I'm the one no one in that company wants to face. I'm the one people sit there and say 'my body isn't ready for this' when they see my name up against theirs on the card. I've not lost a match there since 2014. That's who you send. Not some random Irish girl who's barely able to stand on her own two feet and can't see how many fingers I'm holding up most of the time, because I'll be honest she's doing a poor job. Really. You put me in that Union Battleground Championship tournament, I'd have eaten Tweeder alive. But instead here we are. And I'm not impressed. I'm at doing this exhibition match to show you how a real XWAer does it."
So who do I get in return? Who do Union Battleground think is an opponent worthy of my time? Dom DiBona."
He pauses, putting his hands in his pockets, looking to the side. Shrugging.
"I'm worried you didn't catch that. Let me repeat it for you. Dom DiBona. Dom! Sodding! DiBona!
Have you ever heard of Dom DiBona? Because I haven't. If you have, please send me a carrier pigeon with a leaflet of all his achievements and valid reasoning as to why Axel Graves, in his infinite wisdom, decided this was in any way, shape or form fair. On him. Now, I've not heard what he's had to say. All I care about what he does in the ring but I feel like I know what he sounds like. I'll do my impression right now. Alright, here we go..."
He clears his throat as he squats down a little to look shorter. His voice gets higher. He is basically doing an impression of Mickey Mouse.
“Hi! I'm Dom DiBona! I'm from AWE, which basically means I'm unemployed. I have a match in Union Battlground, which is cool because someone actually cares about me! And guess what? My first match is gonna be on Pay Per View. Oh boy, gee willikers! But there's just one problem. I'm facing Diamond Jack Sabbath, who I hear will probably be in a foul mood, so not only is he going to absolutely destroy me mentally and physically, he's going to kick my head off my shoulders! My head is going to orbit the earth at speeds unseen before. My head will then knock out a satellite that will send NASA into a panic. In the future, kids will look to the starry skies and say 'mommy, what are they one called?' and mommy will say 'oh well that's Sirius, Regulus and that one over there is the Head of Dom DiBona. I'm in suuuuch trouble! Oh boy, oh noes, etcetera.”
He stands up correctly now, holding his hands out for the silent applause that no one is making.
“Thank you. Thank you. It's a talent. I think you'll find you don't need to go and see what he said now. That would've been pretty dead on.
No, in actual fact, I did look him up a bit because I've got my ear to the ground and it turns out he's one of these plucky young rookies who are always smiling, shaking hands with the fans and making me want to projectile vomit all over the floor in disgust. Seriously, AWE. THIS was your guy? This is who you sent? I know you went out of business so decisions weren't your strong suite but come on, this is hopeless. XWA sends the longest tenured star who's beat everyone important and you send a this...dude? I mean I'm sure he's very good. I'm sure he wrestles a very nice style. Bet he's even got a bright future ahead of him. But bright future isn't going to save you in a match, currently, with a veteran like me. I've been World Champion. I've wrestled all over the world in lots of different countries and companies. I have taken the top stars of said companies, I have chewed them up and spat them back out again. I am the victim of conspiracies to keep me away from main event championships because people are afraid of what I'll do. So what makes you, little Dom DiBona, think you're remotely on my level? You're not even eye level to me.”
He lets out a dismissive “pfft!” sound, shaking his head.
If I were you, I'd proper swot up on all things Diamond Jack Sabbath, and why they call me that- yes, THEY call me that. I didn't come up with the name, it was eventually given to me over time. See I'm a bit of a trickster. I make you THINK I'm all talk like this but then I get in the ring and I call your bluff and do everything I say I'm going to do. So I'd go off and I'd look me up, and I'd see what sort of things Sabbath has done. I'd listen to the stories told in darkened corners of locker rooms. Because if you honestly, truthfully want to beat me, Dom...you best have a plan that works no matter what. You have to be very hungry and very relentless to beat me. You may have it in you but I don't buy it. You'll have to prove me wrong on that. But if you go out there and you do all your flashy, flippity-do-das, I'm going to beat you. You might wanna impress these people with your skills, that's where we're different. I don't care. I don't care about you or about what the fans like or dislike. I'm not here for them. I'm here because I feel like being. My goal is never to put on show-stealing five star matches, my goal is to get in there and kick you and suplex you until you're physically incapable of going any longer and then I put you out of your misery and I go home.”
He gets close into our view- no smile, no longer jovial or mocking. Deadly serious.
“You best have something up your sleeve, because right now you're Woody peering over the bed and looking up at Buzz Lightyear. I hope you've got more than just a pull-string, though. Either you make yourself famous or I make you a footnote. You become 'that guy DJS beat in his Union Battleground appearance' that no one remembers the name of. So bring your absolute best, and I mean your real, proper best. I never bring any less, myself. Lets compare. Because I am really, really interested to see why you thought agreeing to this was a good idea. Cos I wouldn't if I were you.
See you in New Orleans, kidda.”
And with that, the Innovator of Anarchy leaves. Diamond Jack Sabbath has arrived.
