Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2017 19:38:30 GMT -5
#ooc: Posted by the skin of my teeth! Lol. This probably would have been done after the deadline without my realising it if I hadn't checked the forum earlier today. Hey, c'est la vie, amirite? Anyway, I hope you enjoy the RP. Google Docs has it down as 1,500 words long.
And again: I hope you enjoy it! ^__^
Less than three minutes.
I beat three men to the point of injury within the space of less than three minutes. Now, true, that is a record for me and if I were any other asshole I’d be stoked about that--but the truth is I’m not like any other asshole. I’m the New Ace of Pro Wrestling...and I’m disappointed. But hey, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised, yeah? It’s not as if Axe has given me anything resembling a goddamn challenge since I’ve been kicking ass in his little Battleground.
Heh. “Battleground.” That UB calls itself a Battleground is an insult to the word. Where are the battles? Where are they, hmmm? Because until I’m proven otherwise it seems like I’ve become a shark in a pond full of goldfish. Sure, goldfish are awesome in their own dumbass way, but a shark just can’t thrive on gorging on the little fuckers. Or, at all, really.
Le sigh… I swear to god, if I don’t get a good fight out of these people soon, I’m putting each and every single one of them out my misery just on principle. The world of pro wrestling would thank me for it.
The afternoon in Nashville, Tennessee was--to quote one Haruka Saito when she stepped out of the plane alongside her younger cousin--was hot as balls. Saito didn’t really notice the heat--being a California girl, and all--and might have been said something about Haruka’s complaint if she cared enough to do more than only half-listen to her. It’s not as if Japan was a really cold place, y’know. Or even lukewarm.
Even now, as they made their way through the busy Nashville International Airport she could half-hear her cousin complaining to her--or, rather, at her--in Japanese. She might have told her to shut up if she even cared enough to do that, instead of ignoring her as she recorded herself on her phone.
But such as it is…
“Well, now, this has got to be a little awkward for Axe, don’t you think?” said Saito in her native English, speaking to the phone in her hand as she walked side-by-side with her cousin, who rambled on, seemingly, blissfully unaware that she was being ignored. “Either the guy really thought he was trying to save face over that little mistake he made by telling me, 'Beat these guys and you’re back in the club at Guerrilla Warfare!' only for me to do exactly that…”
“Or, perhaps on the slight chance this wasn’t an obvious attempt to save face--” she added, the look on her face apparent that she was unconvinced of that particular possibility, “--Axe probably thought he was clever with all that shit, and if that is the case--” again, still looking unconvinced ”--then his dastardly plan kinda bit him in the ass, didn’t it? What did he think would happen when you put a bunch of guys who aren’t worth anyone’s time up against me? Y’know, because I’m Saint Saito? The goddamn New Ace of Pro motherfucking Wrestling? Well, I know what would have happened: a less-than-three-minute waste of my time, that’s what happened!”
Saito ran her free hand through her hair and shot a look to her right, where her cousin was still talking in Japanese.
“<--And what is this place’s obsession with Elvis?!>” complained Haruka “<I want you to you tell me, Sara-chan, because I’d like to know! I mean, okaa-sama loves the guy, Aunt Emi loves the guy--because of course they would; they’re both old as hell--but come on, a whole state that loves the guy?! The King is dead, assholes! Move on! ...His music sucks, too...>”
“Well, whatever,” continued Saito, ignoring her cousin. “Saving face and challenges gone awry are not and never will be the point. The point here is...I’m back! And I’m itching to kill some people--preferably nobody that’ll only last less than a minute, like the three assholes I destroyed in a violent...non-sexual...way. Or this guy I fucked this one time; Parker-something...um...”
She then realised what she just blurted out.
“Aaaaaanyway!” she exclaimed, with a faint shade of red emerging from her cheeks. “Moving on, it seems that the New Ace is finally being offered something of interest. Me and nineteen other people in the same ring together. It sounds like a real orgy of blood and destruction, don’t it? I wonder who’s got the balls to show up, especially since the New Ace is throwing her name into the hat. Hey, maybe that silly little bish Balfour’ll finally grow some stones and try to take me out before I slap all that eyeliner from her face. She’s been straight-up telling me she can take me--from the safety of a Twitter account, I might add--so I say bring it on, bish! Prove it! This here match is the perfect opportunity for her to prove it. Hell, I got an idea! She can even bring her little girl scout club 'The Society' along for the ride! That way I won’t have to hunt them all down before I go ahead and murder them.”
The thought of that brought a smile to Saito’s face.
“Someone else that suddenly comes to mind is Xion Ben-Judah--mostly because he’s got one of the most fucked up names I’ve ever heard,” continued the New Ace. “Seriously, the guy sounds like an alien. I mean, I’ve heard on the grapevine that he won his first two matches and great for him...but when your two wins are two guys whose asses I could have handed while blindfolded--heck, I think I already did for at least one of them--I wouldn’t go patting myself on the back. Not when you got a more serious fighter standing in front of you, i.e: this gorgeous gal, right here.”
She pointed to herself with her thumb, just as Haruka piped up again.
“I’m also betting we’ll see that guy who dresses up like Satan, always talking shit like how he’s gonna take all our souls--” Saito snickered as if it was a joke, “--yeah, like a guy in full body paint and giving us the whole demonic schtick is anyone I need to take seriously. How about I just kick him in the teeth and be done with it, ‘kay? ‘Kay.”
“<Six bucks?!>” yelled Haruka in disbelief. “<That’s...how many yen… Six bucks for a simple cappuccino! And not even one of those weird ones you like that’s only caramel, chocolate and whipped cream in a paper cup, Sara-chan! I expect something like that to be worth six bucks, not a damn cappuccino! What the hell!>”
“Or!” coughed Saito, speaking over her cousin. “Are we going to see the plethora of worthless, so-called ‘hardcore’ wrestlers show up? I’m calling it. Heck, Crowbar already has, or so I’ve heard. I guess it’s only a matter of time before the rest of them show up and get their asses kicked by someone who actually knows how to fight beyond cracking a two-by-four across somebody’s head like it actually means something. Okay, whatever, he can be my warm-up guy for the more credible challenges...such as they are in Union Battleground.
“Ooooh! Will we get to see the big honcho with that stupid handprint on his face? Or maybe what’s-her-tits with the ginger hair? Who knows. Personally, I’d like that. It seems to me those two the only ones in the whole Battleground who might--might--give me an interesting fight if it ever came to us going at it one-on-one. If either of those two ever wanted a real fight then at least at Guerrilla Warfare they’ll know where to find one, amirite? Even though, y’know, it’ll still be a foregone conclusion: I’d give Baldilocks a handprint that won’t wash off after the show and Gingerminge’ll be out that door with my foot up her ass. Whatever. Whoever does decide to give this match the good ol’ college try with me in the mix, in the end, as far as I’m concerned--<What is it, Haruka?!>”
“<Have you been ignoring me this whole time, Sara-chan?!>” Haruka hotly demanded, glaring daggers at her younger cousin.
“<Yes.>” confirmed Saito bluntly.
“<I was talking to you, you inconsiderate asshole!>” complained the elder Saito. “<I was telling you about that tattooed bald man over there-->” she pointed to someone in the background: a large bald man with tattoos, obviously, “<--he reminded me of that guy I put in the hospital last week after he groped me--and then I see you talking to your phone! Rude!>”
“<...Haruka-chan, you talk enough for the both of us to hold a whole conversation with yourself,>” responded Saito, calmly. “<Can I get back to talking to my phone, now? Hey, what are you--?!>”
Haruka snatched the phone from her cousin’s hand and switched it off. “<You don’t get this back until we’re back in Tokyo!>” Haruka declared.
Saito merely shrugged in response. “<Whatever, man,>” she said, uncaring. “<It’s been your phone all along, anyway.>”
And again: I hope you enjoy it! ^__^
Less than three minutes.
I beat three men to the point of injury within the space of less than three minutes. Now, true, that is a record for me and if I were any other asshole I’d be stoked about that--but the truth is I’m not like any other asshole. I’m the New Ace of Pro Wrestling...and I’m disappointed. But hey, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised, yeah? It’s not as if Axe has given me anything resembling a goddamn challenge since I’ve been kicking ass in his little Battleground.
Heh. “Battleground.” That UB calls itself a Battleground is an insult to the word. Where are the battles? Where are they, hmmm? Because until I’m proven otherwise it seems like I’ve become a shark in a pond full of goldfish. Sure, goldfish are awesome in their own dumbass way, but a shark just can’t thrive on gorging on the little fuckers. Or, at all, really.
Le sigh… I swear to god, if I don’t get a good fight out of these people soon, I’m putting each and every single one of them out my misery just on principle. The world of pro wrestling would thank me for it.
****
The afternoon in Nashville, Tennessee was--to quote one Haruka Saito when she stepped out of the plane alongside her younger cousin--was hot as balls. Saito didn’t really notice the heat--being a California girl, and all--and might have been said something about Haruka’s complaint if she cared enough to do more than only half-listen to her. It’s not as if Japan was a really cold place, y’know. Or even lukewarm.
Even now, as they made their way through the busy Nashville International Airport she could half-hear her cousin complaining to her--or, rather, at her--in Japanese. She might have told her to shut up if she even cared enough to do that, instead of ignoring her as she recorded herself on her phone.
But such as it is…
“Well, now, this has got to be a little awkward for Axe, don’t you think?” said Saito in her native English, speaking to the phone in her hand as she walked side-by-side with her cousin, who rambled on, seemingly, blissfully unaware that she was being ignored. “Either the guy really thought he was trying to save face over that little mistake he made by telling me, 'Beat these guys and you’re back in the club at Guerrilla Warfare!' only for me to do exactly that…”
“Or, perhaps on the slight chance this wasn’t an obvious attempt to save face--” she added, the look on her face apparent that she was unconvinced of that particular possibility, “--Axe probably thought he was clever with all that shit, and if that is the case--” again, still looking unconvinced ”--then his dastardly plan kinda bit him in the ass, didn’t it? What did he think would happen when you put a bunch of guys who aren’t worth anyone’s time up against me? Y’know, because I’m Saint Saito? The goddamn New Ace of Pro motherfucking Wrestling? Well, I know what would have happened: a less-than-three-minute waste of my time, that’s what happened!”
Saito ran her free hand through her hair and shot a look to her right, where her cousin was still talking in Japanese.
“<--And what is this place’s obsession with Elvis?!>” complained Haruka “<I want you to you tell me, Sara-chan, because I’d like to know! I mean, okaa-sama loves the guy, Aunt Emi loves the guy--because of course they would; they’re both old as hell--but come on, a whole state that loves the guy?! The King is dead, assholes! Move on! ...His music sucks, too...>”
“Well, whatever,” continued Saito, ignoring her cousin. “Saving face and challenges gone awry are not and never will be the point. The point here is...I’m back! And I’m itching to kill some people--preferably nobody that’ll only last less than a minute, like the three assholes I destroyed in a violent...non-sexual...way. Or this guy I fucked this one time; Parker-something...um...”
She then realised what she just blurted out.
“Aaaaaanyway!” she exclaimed, with a faint shade of red emerging from her cheeks. “Moving on, it seems that the New Ace is finally being offered something of interest. Me and nineteen other people in the same ring together. It sounds like a real orgy of blood and destruction, don’t it? I wonder who’s got the balls to show up, especially since the New Ace is throwing her name into the hat. Hey, maybe that silly little bish Balfour’ll finally grow some stones and try to take me out before I slap all that eyeliner from her face. She’s been straight-up telling me she can take me--from the safety of a Twitter account, I might add--so I say bring it on, bish! Prove it! This here match is the perfect opportunity for her to prove it. Hell, I got an idea! She can even bring her little girl scout club 'The Society' along for the ride! That way I won’t have to hunt them all down before I go ahead and murder them.”
The thought of that brought a smile to Saito’s face.
“Someone else that suddenly comes to mind is Xion Ben-Judah--mostly because he’s got one of the most fucked up names I’ve ever heard,” continued the New Ace. “Seriously, the guy sounds like an alien. I mean, I’ve heard on the grapevine that he won his first two matches and great for him...but when your two wins are two guys whose asses I could have handed while blindfolded--heck, I think I already did for at least one of them--I wouldn’t go patting myself on the back. Not when you got a more serious fighter standing in front of you, i.e: this gorgeous gal, right here.”
She pointed to herself with her thumb, just as Haruka piped up again.
“I’m also betting we’ll see that guy who dresses up like Satan, always talking shit like how he’s gonna take all our souls--” Saito snickered as if it was a joke, “--yeah, like a guy in full body paint and giving us the whole demonic schtick is anyone I need to take seriously. How about I just kick him in the teeth and be done with it, ‘kay? ‘Kay.”
“<Six bucks?!>” yelled Haruka in disbelief. “<That’s...how many yen… Six bucks for a simple cappuccino! And not even one of those weird ones you like that’s only caramel, chocolate and whipped cream in a paper cup, Sara-chan! I expect something like that to be worth six bucks, not a damn cappuccino! What the hell!>”
“Or!” coughed Saito, speaking over her cousin. “Are we going to see the plethora of worthless, so-called ‘hardcore’ wrestlers show up? I’m calling it. Heck, Crowbar already has, or so I’ve heard. I guess it’s only a matter of time before the rest of them show up and get their asses kicked by someone who actually knows how to fight beyond cracking a two-by-four across somebody’s head like it actually means something. Okay, whatever, he can be my warm-up guy for the more credible challenges...such as they are in Union Battleground.
“Ooooh! Will we get to see the big honcho with that stupid handprint on his face? Or maybe what’s-her-tits with the ginger hair? Who knows. Personally, I’d like that. It seems to me those two the only ones in the whole Battleground who might--might--give me an interesting fight if it ever came to us going at it one-on-one. If either of those two ever wanted a real fight then at least at Guerrilla Warfare they’ll know where to find one, amirite? Even though, y’know, it’ll still be a foregone conclusion: I’d give Baldilocks a handprint that won’t wash off after the show and Gingerminge’ll be out that door with my foot up her ass. Whatever. Whoever does decide to give this match the good ol’ college try with me in the mix, in the end, as far as I’m concerned--<What is it, Haruka?!>”
“<Have you been ignoring me this whole time, Sara-chan?!>” Haruka hotly demanded, glaring daggers at her younger cousin.
“<Yes.>” confirmed Saito bluntly.
“<I was talking to you, you inconsiderate asshole!>” complained the elder Saito. “<I was telling you about that tattooed bald man over there-->” she pointed to someone in the background: a large bald man with tattoos, obviously, “<--he reminded me of that guy I put in the hospital last week after he groped me--and then I see you talking to your phone! Rude!>”
“<...Haruka-chan, you talk enough for the both of us to hold a whole conversation with yourself,>” responded Saito, calmly. “<Can I get back to talking to my phone, now? Hey, what are you--?!>”
Haruka snatched the phone from her cousin’s hand and switched it off. “<You don’t get this back until we’re back in Tokyo!>” Haruka declared.
Saito merely shrugged in response. “<Whatever, man,>” she said, uncaring. “<It’s been your phone all along, anyway.>”