Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2018 23:23:13 GMT -5
Psy·cho·sis
/sīˈkōsəs/
noun
a severe mental disorder in which thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality.
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Unknown Location - February 2018 - Night
Was there a difference in reality and truth? My life had flashed before my eyes and the fact that I was breathing oxygen made the experience even more surreal. Was this the holy ghost? No... I crawled out of the pit and sat up, still blowing snot and dirt from my nostrils. With blurred vision I look down at my hands and I can feel the flesh and dirt beneath my nails. "Yaaagghhhcckk!!" Dirt and stomach acid pour from the back of my throat onto the astroturf next to me before I fall back into the pit that I had just fought so hard to escape. How had I done it? I was for sure a goner? I had disgraced my leader, I had failed Union Battleground, and I had once again put a damper on my family name.
By clawing through the dirt I make my climb out of the pit and lay on the cold wet grass. My breathing slows, my heart pounds against my chest a little less aggressively, and the tension in my body falls to a relaxed state. Despite being relaxed, I had no clue which side of reality I was on. The ground was cold, the fog was thick and the internal darkness was heavier than the weight of the world itself. What had just happened? Where had everyone gone? Where was he? I couldn't hear him. I couldn't feel him. I couldn't feel anything. My anger had been subdued, somehow contained or bottled up somewhere within my emotions. Out of the five elements, earth, wind, fire, water, and steel, my flow of water had definitely taken the lead.
Everything was calm, my foot steps were quit along the pavement, the breeze passed through me like I didn't exist. The darkness was my friend as I made my way along the path toward the cemetery gates... where ever they may be located. This was tough, no phone, no memory, just hopes and prayers. As I pass tombstones I feel the roses wilt and fall in my presence, it is as if a dark energy is controlling everything around me and I have no power over it. Tombstones crack, the concrete splits and the the grass quickly turns from a plush bright green to a light brown color. Was I the definition of death?
By daybreak I am stopped by the Patrol Guard on duty. "Excuse me.. miss?" The Paul Blart looking mother fucker asks out of confusion. Can you blame him? There's a gorgeous female who looks like she just crawled out of one of the graves nearby. "Just point me to the exit and call me up a Lyft." I say, never making eye contact with the Guard.
"Ma'am I'll get you a ride home, but if you don't mind me asking what were you doing out here?" He asks with real concern in his eyes. I exhale and respond unwillingly, "Honestly, I woke up near my friends grave, I think I fell asleep when I came to pay respects. I lost my phone and I am in need of a ride home." I say, finally making eye contact with him. I could sense his weakness, but where was my strength coming from? Was it my looks? Was it my-- "HOLY FUCK!" I shout while looking at myself, realizing I am completely naked. I hurry behind a tombstone and duck behind it. "Can I get some clothes also?"
"I'm going to call the police." The Guard says while reaching for his walkie talkie. "Ma'am I really think--"
"No!" I step closer to him and place my hand on his belt. "Don't call anyone, just find me some clothes."
Time passes, we make our way to the guard's hut and he hands me some clothes from the lost and found, a Curt Cobain t-shirt, a paid of red velvet pajama pants and lucky for me, someone lost a pair of Chuck Taylor's in my size. I thank the guard for his generosity and grab a cigarette from the pack on his desk and place it between my lips, lighting it with a match. "I appreciate all that you've done for me. And thank you for being respectful."
"Don't mention it, your Lyft is outside."
I leave the hut without saying a word and head toward the car awaiting with it's headlights on. I hop in the vehicle and it is at that moment that I realize what is going. I realize why everything seemed to be a little off. Nothing is off at all. Nothing is wrong. Everything is right. I am in control. I know the truth. Amid my psychosis I have found... Salvation.
A familiar rage begins to grow within me. He hurt me so good. I wanted to kill him, but I also just wanted to be near him again. He had abandoned me while I was punch drunk in love with everything about him. He made me weak and when he was done with me, he let me go. Stuff like this is what domestic violence and homicide cases are built on, but I don't intend to go that far. I intend to go further. He knows who he is.... he knows he's fucked. He knows that I am branching out onto my own and I will come for him.
I will come for Salvation.
"Is this the place?" The Lyft Driver's words broke my train of thought and I snap out of my psychosis. "Thanks." I shut the door after exiting and I head into the lobby of the 24 Hour Hotel, removing my shades as I approached the attractive male at the front desk. The Hotel was descent, not the best, but being twenty four hours and a hundred and forty bucks a night, it'll do. "How may I help you?" The Concierge asks with a big bright smile.
"Yes. I got stranded and I lost my wallet, but I have all my information in my head, we can validate it. We could even call the Spanish Embassy and the U.S. Embassy as well if we need. I am a diplomat." I raise my index finger to my finger and the Concierge keeps his silence. "I'll call my manager."
He reaches for the phone and I take a seat on one of the sofa's in the lobby in silence.
IT ENDS HERE.