Dinosaur Land
Dec 16, 2019 18:25:03 GMT -5
đť“”đť“đť“𝓲𝓮 đť“śđť“ľđť“»đť“𝓮𝓻 and Bryan Williams like this
Post by Lisa Frankenstein on Dec 16, 2019 18:25:03 GMT -5
Pray pity to poor Ana Hayden, lumbered with the task of helping Lisa tick off her bucket list of places to see. Which sounds alright until you realise that what she likes are shitty diners, hotels in odd shapes and weird roadside attractions.
Of course, you weren't to know any of that. Which is why the great rocks of teeth, jutting from the mouth of a decaying rainbow monstrosity comes as a bit of a shock.
"Ladies and gentlemen I cannot tell you how good it feels to be back in the Union Battleground. The place where I forced two plastic surgeries, fought an evil Egyptian mummy and got to watch Ana go through a series of PTSD flashbacks after you made her fight it out in a prop that too closely resembled the helicopter crash she was apart of back in Nam."
Lisa Seldon joins us, stepping from the gills of a shark and welcomes us to Dinosaur Land - a 4.3 star attraction just a short detour off Highway 17.
"Let’s start with that night; where we said we were going to leave as the faces of this company. Under Alyssa Daniels the banner for this company had been left hanging low. We were going to be the ones to pick it back up and carry it out to the world. It wasn’t going to be an easy task. We had to get past one of the best teams in a generation, one of the most dangerous men in the sport right at his peak… and also his girlfriend and two annoying stoners who were just there to make up the numbers.
We pushed through the desperate masses and emerged as champions, a moniker we have carried with us ever since. When we were in FGA, obliterating the competition in their Dynamic Duos Tag Team Tournament, we did it as Union Battleground representatives. When we were beckoned to Valor, it was your name we carried. And when we saw a man get caught under a bus and dragged through the streets of Saint Charles Missouri, the tagline in the local paper read: Gruesome Death Witnessed by Union Battleground Battalion Champions."
Lisa steps across the screen as we turn to follow, leading us into what can best be described as a sort of sad carpark of old dinosaur statues. Gargantuan sculptures loom all around us, along with Ana, who has a face on her that seems to indicate she’s the person who knocked them down from five stars on google.
"We have shown your best to the world again and again. Now we’re back to show that even 8 months later, not a single thing has changed. Your Battalion Champions are in a league of their own and it’s time again to show you why."
Lisa steps between the sagging wings of a very sad looking pterodactyl as she rattles on.
"This match in particular is quite a special one for me and I have fought hard to make it happen.
In early November, while we were crushing all comers on track to an FGA tournament final, we fought the Dead End Friends to a stalemate. If you want to see us lose a match you have to go all the way back to the SSW Golden Tag Tournament in April. For the Dead End Friends you only have to go back as far as Friday - because they’re not as good as us. That’s not really pertinent to the story but it’s good to establish a pecking order early.
Still, for nearly a whole year no one has pushed us as hard and gotten away with it. No one has made us work for a win like they did. I said at the time that the Dead End Friends were the next big team and I stand by it to this day. Our match in Valor Pro was there chance to show it and ours to remind everyone just what they’re trying to live up to.
Everyone watching deserved a winner and instead we got the fucking Zombies wading in where they had no right to be."
She stops for a second. Everything stops.
"Now, I don’t have any doubts about the Zombies, but everybody came to see two of the best at their best and no one cared what fucking Kowloon and the gang had to say about it.
I have been walking around furious ever since that army of fucks dragged their shit through my business. This match will be our vindication. We will take the win we deserved back in Valor and we will take two Zombie heads home with us!"
Her shout echoes of the various metallic hulks that litter the landscape, like tanks abandoned after war.
"No one can deny the Zombies have a place in the conversation. No one can say they haven't earned their shot. Titles in Valor, titles in DTW, chuck a rock into the clubhouse and as long as it doesn't hit Kowloon you've got a credible team on your hands. And if I was in a better mood with then I would go on, but fuck them and everything they've done. I will hack down their entire family tree and strip every branch bare for crossing me.
For two years the Hellcat Spangled Death Squad have fought the Zombies on every front. We kept them from the Blood Bowl, I pushed Fukushima out of the After Dark title picture. Ana and I even beat the Zombie Vice Squad back when they had the dignity of a name together and if they all want to stick their heads where they don’t belong then we’ll take those from them as well.
You can call yourselves a family, but I’m pretty sure only two of you are related. The rest of you are just a group like any other. You’ve got the name but you don’t have the pedigree. You’ve got a mess of combinations but they’ve rarely been tested. We’ve been out everywhere and anywhere testing our worth against the great and good of our sport while you all got together and passed the Valor tag titles back and forth like you were Kaven and Danny with Leela over the dinner table."
A rock flies through the shot on that one, dangerously close to her head.
"You’re right. Sorry. Totally uncalled for, heat of the moment. The point is that everyone got their fill, everyone got to eat. Again, I am sorry. What I’m getting at is your name implies a record you just don’t have. So stick whatever two you want in front of us because the anonymity wont change a thing.
We force people to wrestle our game and then we take it from them."
She picks up the pace again as we pass by a diorama of one dinosaur eating another with neither of them looking particularly into it.
"As for the Dead End Friends, you can go back and watch my Valor promo on them because all of it still holds true. Benny and Zack are the best team in the world every time we take a night off, rare as that might be. Just look at what we’ve both done lately. Since that tedious draw we’ve gone out trophy hunting in the FGA while they’ve been kicking their shoes and waiting for something to happen.
I genuinely hope they find a home here in Union because they’re the sort of team that thrives on the competition, but they’re gonna spend a lot of time looking up at us and wondering what one day might be."
She takes a deep breath and pulls up on what the sign tells us is a Styracosaurus. It’s not clear if you're allowed to lean on the exhibits and she’s got no time to ask.
"I don’t have any doubts about their success or what they can do when they’re given half a chance. It was a tight division in Valor and it’s just a shame we never got to see what they could do with it; but now we have to run it back and this time they’ve lost their home field advantage.
Union is the house that we built. Everything we’ve done we can trace back to here. We’re the tag team to beat because we did it here. Ana is back fighting for arguably the top title in the world because of the momentum we started here. I’m fighting in the most dangerous companies in the world, trading spit and leather with humanity's worst, and I can do it without equal because I put my game back together here.
Every team in this match has a genuine shout to put themselves up there with the best in the world. The Zombies hold power in Yamashi, the Dead End Friends have survived everyone in Valor Pro, but we’ve fought them all at their best and we know we can go better. This division lives and dies with us."
She pounds her fist on the hollow husk, fearless at the threat of a lifetime ban.
"At Guerrilla Warfare you’re going to get a new Battleground Champion, a new Warhorse Champion, you might even get yourselves a new Trench Warfare Champion - although that one is unlikely because Kaven is doing excellent work and I’m glad he beat Kimi because it turns out she’s a cunt.
Either way the landscape of Union is going to change, for better or worse, but we will remain. We will be your champions, the names by which your judged. And everyone who comes after will fall at our feet.
It is good to be back."
She leaves us with a smile. We pan back and back, the land of the dinosaurs stretching out around us. Not quite as epic as it sounds.
Of course, you weren't to know any of that. Which is why the great rocks of teeth, jutting from the mouth of a decaying rainbow monstrosity comes as a bit of a shock.
"Ladies and gentlemen I cannot tell you how good it feels to be back in the Union Battleground. The place where I forced two plastic surgeries, fought an evil Egyptian mummy and got to watch Ana go through a series of PTSD flashbacks after you made her fight it out in a prop that too closely resembled the helicopter crash she was apart of back in Nam."
Lisa Seldon joins us, stepping from the gills of a shark and welcomes us to Dinosaur Land - a 4.3 star attraction just a short detour off Highway 17.
"Let’s start with that night; where we said we were going to leave as the faces of this company. Under Alyssa Daniels the banner for this company had been left hanging low. We were going to be the ones to pick it back up and carry it out to the world. It wasn’t going to be an easy task. We had to get past one of the best teams in a generation, one of the most dangerous men in the sport right at his peak… and also his girlfriend and two annoying stoners who were just there to make up the numbers.
We pushed through the desperate masses and emerged as champions, a moniker we have carried with us ever since. When we were in FGA, obliterating the competition in their Dynamic Duos Tag Team Tournament, we did it as Union Battleground representatives. When we were beckoned to Valor, it was your name we carried. And when we saw a man get caught under a bus and dragged through the streets of Saint Charles Missouri, the tagline in the local paper read: Gruesome Death Witnessed by Union Battleground Battalion Champions."
Lisa steps across the screen as we turn to follow, leading us into what can best be described as a sort of sad carpark of old dinosaur statues. Gargantuan sculptures loom all around us, along with Ana, who has a face on her that seems to indicate she’s the person who knocked them down from five stars on google.
"We have shown your best to the world again and again. Now we’re back to show that even 8 months later, not a single thing has changed. Your Battalion Champions are in a league of their own and it’s time again to show you why."
Lisa steps between the sagging wings of a very sad looking pterodactyl as she rattles on.
"This match in particular is quite a special one for me and I have fought hard to make it happen.
In early November, while we were crushing all comers on track to an FGA tournament final, we fought the Dead End Friends to a stalemate. If you want to see us lose a match you have to go all the way back to the SSW Golden Tag Tournament in April. For the Dead End Friends you only have to go back as far as Friday - because they’re not as good as us. That’s not really pertinent to the story but it’s good to establish a pecking order early.
Still, for nearly a whole year no one has pushed us as hard and gotten away with it. No one has made us work for a win like they did. I said at the time that the Dead End Friends were the next big team and I stand by it to this day. Our match in Valor Pro was there chance to show it and ours to remind everyone just what they’re trying to live up to.
Everyone watching deserved a winner and instead we got the fucking Zombies wading in where they had no right to be."
She stops for a second. Everything stops.
"Now, I don’t have any doubts about the Zombies, but everybody came to see two of the best at their best and no one cared what fucking Kowloon and the gang had to say about it.
I have been walking around furious ever since that army of fucks dragged their shit through my business. This match will be our vindication. We will take the win we deserved back in Valor and we will take two Zombie heads home with us!"
Her shout echoes of the various metallic hulks that litter the landscape, like tanks abandoned after war.
"No one can deny the Zombies have a place in the conversation. No one can say they haven't earned their shot. Titles in Valor, titles in DTW, chuck a rock into the clubhouse and as long as it doesn't hit Kowloon you've got a credible team on your hands. And if I was in a better mood with then I would go on, but fuck them and everything they've done. I will hack down their entire family tree and strip every branch bare for crossing me.
For two years the Hellcat Spangled Death Squad have fought the Zombies on every front. We kept them from the Blood Bowl, I pushed Fukushima out of the After Dark title picture. Ana and I even beat the Zombie Vice Squad back when they had the dignity of a name together and if they all want to stick their heads where they don’t belong then we’ll take those from them as well.
You can call yourselves a family, but I’m pretty sure only two of you are related. The rest of you are just a group like any other. You’ve got the name but you don’t have the pedigree. You’ve got a mess of combinations but they’ve rarely been tested. We’ve been out everywhere and anywhere testing our worth against the great and good of our sport while you all got together and passed the Valor tag titles back and forth like you were Kaven and Danny with Leela over the dinner table."
A rock flies through the shot on that one, dangerously close to her head.
"You’re right. Sorry. Totally uncalled for, heat of the moment. The point is that everyone got their fill, everyone got to eat. Again, I am sorry. What I’m getting at is your name implies a record you just don’t have. So stick whatever two you want in front of us because the anonymity wont change a thing.
We force people to wrestle our game and then we take it from them."
She picks up the pace again as we pass by a diorama of one dinosaur eating another with neither of them looking particularly into it.
"As for the Dead End Friends, you can go back and watch my Valor promo on them because all of it still holds true. Benny and Zack are the best team in the world every time we take a night off, rare as that might be. Just look at what we’ve both done lately. Since that tedious draw we’ve gone out trophy hunting in the FGA while they’ve been kicking their shoes and waiting for something to happen.
I genuinely hope they find a home here in Union because they’re the sort of team that thrives on the competition, but they’re gonna spend a lot of time looking up at us and wondering what one day might be."
She takes a deep breath and pulls up on what the sign tells us is a Styracosaurus. It’s not clear if you're allowed to lean on the exhibits and she’s got no time to ask.
"I don’t have any doubts about their success or what they can do when they’re given half a chance. It was a tight division in Valor and it’s just a shame we never got to see what they could do with it; but now we have to run it back and this time they’ve lost their home field advantage.
Union is the house that we built. Everything we’ve done we can trace back to here. We’re the tag team to beat because we did it here. Ana is back fighting for arguably the top title in the world because of the momentum we started here. I’m fighting in the most dangerous companies in the world, trading spit and leather with humanity's worst, and I can do it without equal because I put my game back together here.
Every team in this match has a genuine shout to put themselves up there with the best in the world. The Zombies hold power in Yamashi, the Dead End Friends have survived everyone in Valor Pro, but we’ve fought them all at their best and we know we can go better. This division lives and dies with us."
She pounds her fist on the hollow husk, fearless at the threat of a lifetime ban.
"At Guerrilla Warfare you’re going to get a new Battleground Champion, a new Warhorse Champion, you might even get yourselves a new Trench Warfare Champion - although that one is unlikely because Kaven is doing excellent work and I’m glad he beat Kimi because it turns out she’s a cunt.
Either way the landscape of Union is going to change, for better or worse, but we will remain. We will be your champions, the names by which your judged. And everyone who comes after will fall at our feet.
It is good to be back."
She leaves us with a smile. We pan back and back, the land of the dinosaurs stretching out around us. Not quite as epic as it sounds.