Post by Zack Fantana on Dec 16, 2019 23:59:50 GMT -5
“Can we please turn this off?”
Zack Fantana gestured towards the 77 inch television which had been blaring at such a mind numbing decibel for the duration of the evening. He could barely hear anything happening at the gin rummy table.
“Don’t you dare,” an irritable woman shot back.
“Edna, please, it’s for your own good.”
He walked over and clasped her hands in his.
“You don’t have to live in fear of Tom Selleck selling you a reverse mortgage anymore.”
After patting Edna on the shoulder, Fantana returned to his table in the commons of Harbour Senior Living, where he’d begun to spend more and more time ever since his mentor Bobby Franchise had been living there. A few of the ladies clamored for the return of Tom Selleck, but Fantana did not waver. Instead, he continued to regale them with a story of his own.
“Anyway, as I was saying, Lisa and Ana took us all too lightly going into 7 Pillars. If you were paying any attention, you’d know we weren’t supposed to have a fighting chance. That match was never ours to win.”
The table of half-interested retirees continued to play through their game of gin rummy, paying him no mind.
“Oh, it was anything but. It was a fluff piece for the Hellcats heading into awards season. It was embedded advertising for Union Battleground’s triumphant return from hiatus.”
Zack gestured toward the bottom right corner of the screen where he trusted that a UB logo would be added in post-production.
“And effective at that. It was supposed to be just that simple. But things changed. The best tag team on the planet didn't get the job done in time and the Zombies did what Zombies tend to do and poked their nose where it didn't belong. Because it wouldn’t be a Valor Pro tag team contest without the Zombie Clan making an unannounced cameo that no one wanted or asked for. The only solace I can take from the fact that they weaseled their way into the rematch is that it means there’ll be less of those goddamn goblins available to interfere later on.”
“Ain’t that right,” Zack’s doubles gin rummy partner Ralph added.
“I’d like to think that the Zombies might go back to the teachings of Tokyo Zombie after witnessing the amount of reverence that people had for him after his death, but I think it’s more likely that his final breaths were the last thing keeping them honest. Alas, we are in a new era now. The Zombies will run truly unchecked with Kimitsu Zombie seated at the head of the table, if 7 Pillars was any indication.”
Noticing that no one was paying him any attention outside of Ralph, Zack addressed the camera directly, completely disengaged from the rousing game before him.
“It’s funny, Aoki, you could have easily taken over leadership of the Zombie Clan in Tokyo’s absence but instead you’re going to allow someone who’s clearly in the midst of a psychotic break call your shots for you. Kimitsu has a history of being impulsive, self-destructive, and dating American Tommy, yet you trust her with your future simply because she’s your kin?”
“Big mistake,” Agnes chortled. This bitch hadn’t stopped talking about how she’d never grant her son Todd power of attorney unless he visited more often.
"Agnes, please. You had your time on the stage and you bungled the chorus to Kiss on My List three times. Let the next generation take over."
Zack wisely moved away from the table.
“Aoki, you’ve lost your touch, old man. Maybe it’s time for you to head on home.”
Zack pointed to an unoccupied room at the senior center, as if it were an invitation for the old bastard.
“I don’t wish to be insensitive or ungrateful. You’ve been there Benny more than his father ever could be and we greatly appreciate your dedication, pops, but it’s time for you to take a step back. Ben’s a grown man now. It’s not your place to dote after him anymore. You should walk away.
Because Kimitsu can rearrange the pieces on the board all she likes, but that doesn’t make your gameplan any less predictable. The Chimera Championships might be collecting dust in some storage locker right now, never to be seen again, but you’d be fools to forget who owned them last. We’ll oust you just as Zombie Vice before you.”
Fantana smiled.
“And on December 29th we may do just that, because in the wake of Valor Pro’s untimely death awaits brand new opportunity and Union Battleground has risen from the dead, much like Ana and Lisa’s investment in the Battalion Championships. You see, being the best tag team in the world is just a part-time gig for Ana and Lisa. More often than not, they’re preoccupied with other goals, with Ana chasing the 4CW Championship for the dozenth time and Lisa’s interest fractured between three or eight other companies.
It’s understandable. Ana and Lisa have both spoken on the stigma attached to tag team wrestlers these days - that it’s become an outlet for those that can’t hack it on their own, the weak, and the aimless.”
Zack wandered around the table, letting that thought linger.
“I have to wonder. Is that why you haven’t defended these championships in months? Is that why you recused yourselves from Bad Company? Because all it was beneath you? I admire that level of ironic detachment, I really do. They believe themselves to be above the scene right now, and maybe that’s why they wanted us to believe they were doing us a huge favor just by showing up in Valor Pro, but don’t take the bait, folks, because like those con artists that prey on your poor elderly souls, Ana and Lisa were running one of the biggest scams of 2019. They waltzed into that match acting as if they were doing us a charity, and yet who benefitted from the exposure the most? Who among you would have even remembered that the Hellcat Spangled Death Squad were Battalion Champions before they challenged us?”
No one in the room raised a hand, though to be fair, the residents at Harbour Senior Living were probably a few decades removed from Union Battleground’s targeted demographic.
“I’ve got to admit that the stakes never felt real to me back then. Even if the Zombies hadn’t interfered and DEF shocked the world, at the end of the day, it was only a one-off - a one-off that could easily be written off as an outlier in an otherwise tremendous year for the Hellcat Spangled Death Squad. You can trust that if you carry that same charity case narrative into this match, we’re going to snatch two championships out of the red kettle.”
But now that we’ve shed the logos of our corporate sponsors and we’ve seen each other for what we truly are, this match can get back to being to what is should have been to begin with: the future of tag team wrestling.
Where does the future lie? No one knows and that’s the beautiful thing of it all. What if, on the final days of 2019, everything you thought you knew changed?
You can keep their names on your ballots, we want ours on the gold.”
Zack continued down the hallway in the senior center, eventually closing in on the room of his mentor. He poked his head inside to see the old man sitting in bed, staring out the window.
“Bobby, care to join us? Gin rummy doubles tournament is on.”
“Oh no, I’m expecting a call,” the old man gestured toward the landline seated next to his bed.
“Oh?”
“You wouldn’t believe it. A man named Jake has contacted me about becoming a primary investor in Idaho Wrestling.”
“Oh dear.”
Zack quietly disconnected the phone as Bobby shifted in his bed in excitement.
“Bobby, that’s the biggest scam of them all.”
Zack Fantana gestured towards the 77 inch television which had been blaring at such a mind numbing decibel for the duration of the evening. He could barely hear anything happening at the gin rummy table.
“Don’t you dare,” an irritable woman shot back.
“Edna, please, it’s for your own good.”
He walked over and clasped her hands in his.
“You don’t have to live in fear of Tom Selleck selling you a reverse mortgage anymore.”
After patting Edna on the shoulder, Fantana returned to his table in the commons of Harbour Senior Living, where he’d begun to spend more and more time ever since his mentor Bobby Franchise had been living there. A few of the ladies clamored for the return of Tom Selleck, but Fantana did not waver. Instead, he continued to regale them with a story of his own.
“Anyway, as I was saying, Lisa and Ana took us all too lightly going into 7 Pillars. If you were paying any attention, you’d know we weren’t supposed to have a fighting chance. That match was never ours to win.”
The table of half-interested retirees continued to play through their game of gin rummy, paying him no mind.
“Oh, it was anything but. It was a fluff piece for the Hellcats heading into awards season. It was embedded advertising for Union Battleground’s triumphant return from hiatus.”
Zack gestured toward the bottom right corner of the screen where he trusted that a UB logo would be added in post-production.
“And effective at that. It was supposed to be just that simple. But things changed. The best tag team on the planet didn't get the job done in time and the Zombies did what Zombies tend to do and poked their nose where it didn't belong. Because it wouldn’t be a Valor Pro tag team contest without the Zombie Clan making an unannounced cameo that no one wanted or asked for. The only solace I can take from the fact that they weaseled their way into the rematch is that it means there’ll be less of those goddamn goblins available to interfere later on.”
“Ain’t that right,” Zack’s doubles gin rummy partner Ralph added.
“I’d like to think that the Zombies might go back to the teachings of Tokyo Zombie after witnessing the amount of reverence that people had for him after his death, but I think it’s more likely that his final breaths were the last thing keeping them honest. Alas, we are in a new era now. The Zombies will run truly unchecked with Kimitsu Zombie seated at the head of the table, if 7 Pillars was any indication.”
Noticing that no one was paying him any attention outside of Ralph, Zack addressed the camera directly, completely disengaged from the rousing game before him.
“It’s funny, Aoki, you could have easily taken over leadership of the Zombie Clan in Tokyo’s absence but instead you’re going to allow someone who’s clearly in the midst of a psychotic break call your shots for you. Kimitsu has a history of being impulsive, self-destructive, and dating American Tommy, yet you trust her with your future simply because she’s your kin?”
“Big mistake,” Agnes chortled. This bitch hadn’t stopped talking about how she’d never grant her son Todd power of attorney unless he visited more often.
"Agnes, please. You had your time on the stage and you bungled the chorus to Kiss on My List three times. Let the next generation take over."
Zack wisely moved away from the table.
“Aoki, you’ve lost your touch, old man. Maybe it’s time for you to head on home.”
Zack pointed to an unoccupied room at the senior center, as if it were an invitation for the old bastard.
“I don’t wish to be insensitive or ungrateful. You’ve been there Benny more than his father ever could be and we greatly appreciate your dedication, pops, but it’s time for you to take a step back. Ben’s a grown man now. It’s not your place to dote after him anymore. You should walk away.
Because Kimitsu can rearrange the pieces on the board all she likes, but that doesn’t make your gameplan any less predictable. The Chimera Championships might be collecting dust in some storage locker right now, never to be seen again, but you’d be fools to forget who owned them last. We’ll oust you just as Zombie Vice before you.”
Fantana smiled.
“And on December 29th we may do just that, because in the wake of Valor Pro’s untimely death awaits brand new opportunity and Union Battleground has risen from the dead, much like Ana and Lisa’s investment in the Battalion Championships. You see, being the best tag team in the world is just a part-time gig for Ana and Lisa. More often than not, they’re preoccupied with other goals, with Ana chasing the 4CW Championship for the dozenth time and Lisa’s interest fractured between three or eight other companies.
It’s understandable. Ana and Lisa have both spoken on the stigma attached to tag team wrestlers these days - that it’s become an outlet for those that can’t hack it on their own, the weak, and the aimless.”
Zack wandered around the table, letting that thought linger.
“I have to wonder. Is that why you haven’t defended these championships in months? Is that why you recused yourselves from Bad Company? Because all it was beneath you? I admire that level of ironic detachment, I really do. They believe themselves to be above the scene right now, and maybe that’s why they wanted us to believe they were doing us a huge favor just by showing up in Valor Pro, but don’t take the bait, folks, because like those con artists that prey on your poor elderly souls, Ana and Lisa were running one of the biggest scams of 2019. They waltzed into that match acting as if they were doing us a charity, and yet who benefitted from the exposure the most? Who among you would have even remembered that the Hellcat Spangled Death Squad were Battalion Champions before they challenged us?”
No one in the room raised a hand, though to be fair, the residents at Harbour Senior Living were probably a few decades removed from Union Battleground’s targeted demographic.
“I’ve got to admit that the stakes never felt real to me back then. Even if the Zombies hadn’t interfered and DEF shocked the world, at the end of the day, it was only a one-off - a one-off that could easily be written off as an outlier in an otherwise tremendous year for the Hellcat Spangled Death Squad. You can trust that if you carry that same charity case narrative into this match, we’re going to snatch two championships out of the red kettle.”
But now that we’ve shed the logos of our corporate sponsors and we’ve seen each other for what we truly are, this match can get back to being to what is should have been to begin with: the future of tag team wrestling.
Where does the future lie? No one knows and that’s the beautiful thing of it all. What if, on the final days of 2019, everything you thought you knew changed?
You can keep their names on your ballots, we want ours on the gold.”
Zack continued down the hallway in the senior center, eventually closing in on the room of his mentor. He poked his head inside to see the old man sitting in bed, staring out the window.
“Bobby, care to join us? Gin rummy doubles tournament is on.”
“Oh no, I’m expecting a call,” the old man gestured toward the landline seated next to his bed.
“Oh?”
“You wouldn’t believe it. A man named Jake has contacted me about becoming a primary investor in Idaho Wrestling.”
“Oh dear.”
Zack quietly disconnected the phone as Bobby shifted in his bed in excitement.
“Bobby, that’s the biggest scam of them all.”