The Old Punxsutawney Slapnickel
May 25, 2020 18:52:25 GMT -5
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𝓔𝓭𝓭𝓲𝓮 𝓜𝓾𝓻𝓭𝓮𝓻 and Buddy Winchester like this
Post by indi on May 25, 2020 18:52:25 GMT -5
”Old Edna at the nursing home, tells old Harry that if he shows her his dick, she can tell him his age…
He pulls down his pants and she looks and says: ‘you’re 88.’
‘Wow,’ he says, ‘how did you guess that?’
‘You told me yesterday.’ She says”
A soft laugh carries behind the voice as Maxx Bennett sits, knees together and white over the knee socks pulled up high, on a single swing. Dressed in a little plaid skirt, a white shirt that can’t hope to control her overstuffed black bra and a little navy blue cardigan. Her long blonde hair is in low pigtails affixed with matching bows. As she giggles at her joke, she smacks gum between her perfectly glossed lips.
”See, it’s funny cause she had that cheat code, she knew the result before she took the gamble. That’s kinda what you and Danny tried to do against me and Vo. Now I know, I know. You gonna argue how it ain’t like that and how you wasn’t even the one saying all kinda shit. But Leela we both know that recess level nonsense.
You that prissy cheerleader who hides behind the jock and sticks her tongue out while he does the dirty work. And girl, any other day. Any other match. I’d have mad respect for your play. But you made a real fatal mistake on that one.. you tried to play games with a pro. I was the girl who was trading a smoke for a kiss with the high school boys, I’m the girl who winked at the right teacher so she never saw a second of detention. You tried to play school yard with me and I caught you slipping.”
A loud pop as Maxx blows a baby pink bubble with that same piece of gum, smacking her lips once again, she digs the toes of her patent leather shoes into the soft tarmac and pushes off, as the swing picks up, so does the breeze under her skirt; but the thick black rubber of the swing seat keeps her goods just covered enough.
”I been picking up speed from the minute I showed up as a wrestler. And it makes people mad, they fucking be hating how I don’t gotta take this shit to heart all the damn time. I stood in front of a camera and told y’all I didn’t care about who you was or wasn’t fucking. I was the girl giving you a standing ovation for having your shit together and when it got messy, I was the one reaching out to you.
But that man who be claiming he all for you, while he dicks down someone who fucked with you and the people you love, well he called me a ho every different way urban dictionary told him he could and you just smiled. I had your back, Leela. God fucking DAMN, ain’t you supposed to be the role model to these young girls out there?
You teaching em they need a man to fight the dirty battles for em while I sit on the side with my skirt a lil too short, bragging on that dick and tellin girls they can be whatever they wanting to be…. seems to me maybe you ain’t no better than me after all. Sure as shit ain’t in that ring - whether we got that W how I wanted it or not, point stands you couldn’t put me down. And now you prolly gonna run on and blame it on the same personal shit you was promising wouldn’t change a thing just a few reels back. Huh.
But we aint here for that, we ain’t here to talk bout Danny or nothing. We here to talk bout me and you and fact is, you’re crazy talented Leela. Truly you easily one of the hottest talents out there right now and a opportunity to get a second W over you is easily something that can propel my career in a way nothing else right now could. So even though I handed you an L? I still got shit to lose on this, you know?
Even with that win, cause it was assisted, cause it wa a tag match. Cause it was a whole lotta things that people can use to be making excuses when don’t wanna admit I got talent. It don’t mean as much, I’m still the underdog here Leela and don’t for a second think I ain’t know that. I know how people be looking at me and I can feel the way they eyes narrow or roll when they see they gonna be facing me. I been making a damn career outta being underestimated.
And I know you ain’t the kinda one to be making the same mistake again. Hell, you prolly got more faith in me right now than almost anybody. Cause we vibed, you and me. And without all that testosterone hanging between us. We can be real. We can have a actual match that is about us. Damn, ain’t you excited? No more playground games, no kiss chase with our tag partners. No red rover, wondering which of us is gonna make it over. We ain’t gotta make a date after school to slip off earrings and on rings, cause this time, this ain’t starting on the tarmac with insults being hurled.
This time, it’s gonna start and end in that ring. No more games, no more hop step Dutch your way to a dick to suck so they be having your back. It’s just us, me, the girl who riding a high, who been racking up championships and gold on my side. And Leela Watts, the blacked out twitter profile cause life got too hard, always needs an extra shoulder to lean on, we coulda been something version of Leela Watts.
Girl, I hate to get personal but for real, you gotta stop letting a man ruin you.”
In a moment of something between bravery and stupidity, at the very peak of her swing Maxx let’s go of the swing and flies off the seat, she lands mostly on her feet. A little shaky and a skimmed heel of her hand against the soft tarmac is all it takes for her to steady herself. As she tugs at the hem of her skirt to adjust herself, a little smear of blood from her injury grazes over her bare thigh. She doesn’t seem to notice though as she flicks her hair back and ensures the camera is still getting her best angle.
She starts to approach the camera, small purposeful steps before she stops and adjusts herself again, even grabbing under her bra and pulling up to give that cleavage a little bounce for the boys at home.
”Ya know Leela… Rude people are like dicks.
They’re always popping up at inopportune times and they deserve a good beating. I’m sure part of you is still focused on Kaven Drell, I don’t doubt that no matter how much you wanna give this match your full attention? He’s there in the back of your mind, scratching at your conscience and demanding that you give him a thought, a care at any given moment.
I feel for you. I do, cause you’re heading into this match with a chance at redemption when you already proven time and time that you ain’t the one who can focus on two things at once. Somebody like me, we like ALL the attention and I ain’t above doing what I gotta do, to get it in there moment. People like you? They always willing to be the background to someone else’s art. You done it for every man that been in your life, you do it for friends, you do it for damn near everyone.
And this ain’t it girl. I ain’t about to give you a moment in the frame at my expense. I been working damn hard and whether I brag on all the work I do or not, best believe that work still getting put in. Even as the underdog, cause he’ll girl, when ain’t I the underdog? I still be coming on up to the ring with all the confidence in the world. Like I said, I be hoping we can make this all about what happens in that there ring. And there ain’t no pinky promise, BFF handshakes in my ring.
So you best put good girl Leela on the shelf for this one, cause you gonna need to keep all eyes on me. Or you just might get caught taking a beating like adolescent dick with a empty house and unlimited WiFi speed.”
A slick line of gloss and refreshed smack of her lips punctuates that last line, as Maxx now approaches the camera, her hips lifting that same hem of her skirt in an almost hypnotic way. As she reaches for the lens she breaks out a huge smile.
”Oh and Leela?
What do you call a bunny with a crooked dick?
Fucks Funny.”
He pulls down his pants and she looks and says: ‘you’re 88.’
‘Wow,’ he says, ‘how did you guess that?’
‘You told me yesterday.’ She says”
A soft laugh carries behind the voice as Maxx Bennett sits, knees together and white over the knee socks pulled up high, on a single swing. Dressed in a little plaid skirt, a white shirt that can’t hope to control her overstuffed black bra and a little navy blue cardigan. Her long blonde hair is in low pigtails affixed with matching bows. As she giggles at her joke, she smacks gum between her perfectly glossed lips.
”See, it’s funny cause she had that cheat code, she knew the result before she took the gamble. That’s kinda what you and Danny tried to do against me and Vo. Now I know, I know. You gonna argue how it ain’t like that and how you wasn’t even the one saying all kinda shit. But Leela we both know that recess level nonsense.
You that prissy cheerleader who hides behind the jock and sticks her tongue out while he does the dirty work. And girl, any other day. Any other match. I’d have mad respect for your play. But you made a real fatal mistake on that one.. you tried to play games with a pro. I was the girl who was trading a smoke for a kiss with the high school boys, I’m the girl who winked at the right teacher so she never saw a second of detention. You tried to play school yard with me and I caught you slipping.”
A loud pop as Maxx blows a baby pink bubble with that same piece of gum, smacking her lips once again, she digs the toes of her patent leather shoes into the soft tarmac and pushes off, as the swing picks up, so does the breeze under her skirt; but the thick black rubber of the swing seat keeps her goods just covered enough.
”I been picking up speed from the minute I showed up as a wrestler. And it makes people mad, they fucking be hating how I don’t gotta take this shit to heart all the damn time. I stood in front of a camera and told y’all I didn’t care about who you was or wasn’t fucking. I was the girl giving you a standing ovation for having your shit together and when it got messy, I was the one reaching out to you.
But that man who be claiming he all for you, while he dicks down someone who fucked with you and the people you love, well he called me a ho every different way urban dictionary told him he could and you just smiled. I had your back, Leela. God fucking DAMN, ain’t you supposed to be the role model to these young girls out there?
You teaching em they need a man to fight the dirty battles for em while I sit on the side with my skirt a lil too short, bragging on that dick and tellin girls they can be whatever they wanting to be…. seems to me maybe you ain’t no better than me after all. Sure as shit ain’t in that ring - whether we got that W how I wanted it or not, point stands you couldn’t put me down. And now you prolly gonna run on and blame it on the same personal shit you was promising wouldn’t change a thing just a few reels back. Huh.
But we aint here for that, we ain’t here to talk bout Danny or nothing. We here to talk bout me and you and fact is, you’re crazy talented Leela. Truly you easily one of the hottest talents out there right now and a opportunity to get a second W over you is easily something that can propel my career in a way nothing else right now could. So even though I handed you an L? I still got shit to lose on this, you know?
Even with that win, cause it was assisted, cause it wa a tag match. Cause it was a whole lotta things that people can use to be making excuses when don’t wanna admit I got talent. It don’t mean as much, I’m still the underdog here Leela and don’t for a second think I ain’t know that. I know how people be looking at me and I can feel the way they eyes narrow or roll when they see they gonna be facing me. I been making a damn career outta being underestimated.
And I know you ain’t the kinda one to be making the same mistake again. Hell, you prolly got more faith in me right now than almost anybody. Cause we vibed, you and me. And without all that testosterone hanging between us. We can be real. We can have a actual match that is about us. Damn, ain’t you excited? No more playground games, no kiss chase with our tag partners. No red rover, wondering which of us is gonna make it over. We ain’t gotta make a date after school to slip off earrings and on rings, cause this time, this ain’t starting on the tarmac with insults being hurled.
This time, it’s gonna start and end in that ring. No more games, no more hop step Dutch your way to a dick to suck so they be having your back. It’s just us, me, the girl who riding a high, who been racking up championships and gold on my side. And Leela Watts, the blacked out twitter profile cause life got too hard, always needs an extra shoulder to lean on, we coulda been something version of Leela Watts.
Girl, I hate to get personal but for real, you gotta stop letting a man ruin you.”
In a moment of something between bravery and stupidity, at the very peak of her swing Maxx let’s go of the swing and flies off the seat, she lands mostly on her feet. A little shaky and a skimmed heel of her hand against the soft tarmac is all it takes for her to steady herself. As she tugs at the hem of her skirt to adjust herself, a little smear of blood from her injury grazes over her bare thigh. She doesn’t seem to notice though as she flicks her hair back and ensures the camera is still getting her best angle.
She starts to approach the camera, small purposeful steps before she stops and adjusts herself again, even grabbing under her bra and pulling up to give that cleavage a little bounce for the boys at home.
”Ya know Leela… Rude people are like dicks.
They’re always popping up at inopportune times and they deserve a good beating. I’m sure part of you is still focused on Kaven Drell, I don’t doubt that no matter how much you wanna give this match your full attention? He’s there in the back of your mind, scratching at your conscience and demanding that you give him a thought, a care at any given moment.
I feel for you. I do, cause you’re heading into this match with a chance at redemption when you already proven time and time that you ain’t the one who can focus on two things at once. Somebody like me, we like ALL the attention and I ain’t above doing what I gotta do, to get it in there moment. People like you? They always willing to be the background to someone else’s art. You done it for every man that been in your life, you do it for friends, you do it for damn near everyone.
And this ain’t it girl. I ain’t about to give you a moment in the frame at my expense. I been working damn hard and whether I brag on all the work I do or not, best believe that work still getting put in. Even as the underdog, cause he’ll girl, when ain’t I the underdog? I still be coming on up to the ring with all the confidence in the world. Like I said, I be hoping we can make this all about what happens in that there ring. And there ain’t no pinky promise, BFF handshakes in my ring.
So you best put good girl Leela on the shelf for this one, cause you gonna need to keep all eyes on me. Or you just might get caught taking a beating like adolescent dick with a empty house and unlimited WiFi speed.”
A slick line of gloss and refreshed smack of her lips punctuates that last line, as Maxx now approaches the camera, her hips lifting that same hem of her skirt in an almost hypnotic way. As she reaches for the lens she breaks out a huge smile.
”Oh and Leela?
What do you call a bunny with a crooked dick?
Fucks Funny.”